lilly in the rose garden

Year in review

Posted on: August 10, 2012

(warning, warning! ~personal post~)

Last summer was dreary. It rained like clockwork everyday slightly past noon, and would continue through the night. We didn’t have any tropical storms or bad floods, but it was enough to ruin my mood. Due to certain circumstances, we remained in town all of June and July. I sat on the couch with my laptop and stared at pretty pictures of clothes and the (new to me) world of Lolita fashion. I watched anime and read manga online. I waited for hours on facebook. My friends never contacted me, asked me to go anywhere with them.

I lost weight. I hardly moved. My days revolved around the internet and shopping at the mall. (Which ended badly, usually. I needed a completely new wardrobe for school, but dress code items weren’t in stock until October)

I stared at people on the internet, pictures of them having fun, and thought “Why can’t I be that happy?”

School started. I was still unhappy. I no longer felt welcome in my old clique. I felt I had nobody to turn to. The people I liked the least thought they were being so kind as to grant me their pity. I hated it.

I was tired, stressed, vulnerable.

I deleted my Facebook account. I felt a bit better.

I quit band class and signed up for study hall. I had more free time to spend on myself. I was feeling a bit more happier.

I skipped Homecoming to go to Epcot with my mom. Some kids were jealous.

I joined the book club, the anime club, the knitting club. I met kids of all ages. I talked to older kids and I hung out with younger kids. Suddenly, I was happy.

I still had flare ups, but I knew how to control them. I knew that the sky would always be clear the next day. I found things I loved- my new friends, cosplaying, lolita, and even found classes enjoyable. (I had a really tough teacher. She liked me. I was at the top of the class. On purpose, I signed up to have her again)

I wore bolder clothes to school. I expressed myself more freely.

The last day of school was great. A group of us, some anime club members, some random kids he grabbed from around campus, went out to lunch downtown. I felt so free. We walked for a while and picked a resteraunt. I paid for a friend’s meal. We walked back to the cars to head off to a party. We sang jpop and kpop songs and laughed at my Hetalia soundtrack CD.

I was happy.

I had a fabulous summer this year. I went to new places, met great people. and was able to live in a world beyond the walls of the house. I had a nice break, and now I’m excited to catch up with my gang again. I’ll hug my best friend and take photography class and not have to worry about changing for P.E. My classes are brutal, but I can manage just fine.

I may even go to Homecoming.

I don’t need to escape anymore.


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matryoshkaRose~ (the former lillymelody)
cosplay, street fashion, reviews and more!
When in doubt, come into the rose garden ( ・ω・)ノ

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Hair growth progress- As of June 2015- I regularly trim my own bangs and they look amazing- choppy and short. The split ends have ruined lives and murdered small children. I haven't had a proper salon cut since July 2013. I might get a trim of 4ish inches by the end of the summer? I'm lazy.



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