lilly in the rose garden

Year two: looking back

Posted on: August 10, 2013

Welp it’s been two years running this blog now (founded in August 2011). I groan a little when I read my early posts, a painful reminder of the kid I used to be. This past school year has changed everything. Get ready, it’s a long, convoluted post. I probably should have wrote all this back in May, when the school year 2012-2013 was more relevant.

It all started with reconnecting with my friends that I assembled at the end of the previous year. Now, I talked about this on here repeatedly, so I won’t rewrite every event that occurred, but the short story is I entered the school year with a growing clique (no longer excluded) and emerged….the official (we had a vote) clique leader. Damn. It’s funny, last august seems forever ago….the fun we had at Busch Gardens, the time we went ice skating….it’s all so distant.

Some of the classmates we met back in August 2012 turned out to be a bad fit for our group….(one unfortunate bullying incident, which I still disapprove of) People I considered my closest friends back last fall, I now no longer am on speaking terms with.

Last year, in my review post, I mentioned that I might go to homecoming. Well, after much drama, I decided on going with a new friend, then boyfriend, of mine. (He was very sweet and we dated for five months before I had enough and needed space.)  It was a blast, that one night. I loved my dress, hated the music, can’t wait to do it again. I already have my dress- It only cost me $12!! I dread the drama that consumes the week before the event, but I am prepared to set the dinner reservations and other plans for the clique. I have become very good at hosting or helping organize these things, after all. (I’m the political leader, another boy is sort-of our “”””spiritual leader””””” in that everybody identifies our clique by him, but even he bows to my authority, even twisting rules here and there to benefit me.) I created a facebook account, surprisingly enough, for these purposes.

School, however, turned into a living hell. The one thing that saved me was Photography class. I hardly took any pictures, but that free period where I could do homework, study, or just hightail it out to the riverside was perfect. I took an advanced Chemistry course, only to realize I suck at Chemistry. I may never take a tough science course again, but I have no regrets. It showed me the true limits of my abilities. Wonderful teachers like my latin and algebra teachers also saved me. They comforted me and helped me work out attack plans. My once-favorite tough teacher turned on me, but I’m done with her subject anyway.

(It is true to say that THE boy in my life at that time was a huge help too, even if it distracted me from my homework.)

After that, things remained tough, but I worked through it. I was devastated first semester when my grades dropped to an all-time low, dropping me off the top list and other recognition. Second semester I ended the year with only two Bs!!! NHS, Head’s list, hellya.

The classes I’m taking this year are more balanced; super-easy paired with two APs. I know better now.

Back to the social side (ik ik this post is a train-wreck)….around spring break it fell apart and pieced itself together again. I dumped by boyfriend, and ran off to the beach with my inner circle of friends. About a month later, a new boy wormed his way back into my life; a best friend from middle school who I had shunned for a year and a half following a nasty failed relationship. He now is my best friend and I’m glad to have him back in my life. We have both matured so much with regards to our communication and interactions, it’s working much better this time around. Luckily, those around us have matured too, and I did not experience nearly as much harassment and teasing as I expected.

Finally, just like always, we had our end-of-year Hetalia party, although the anime itself is no longer the main event. (It’s so sad to see how much APH has fallen….) The difference is this year we had much more freedom, and walking downtown for food was a year-long thing, so by the last day, we were down with the plan with less parent concerns GOSH. For once, the parties continued well after May, however.

I had to take summer p.e. to get my last credit in, but I actually had a ton of fun. I miss working out in the weightlifting room ): I won’t get another chance to, I think… Then, I hit the beach and tanned up a ton. (No more paleness for me!! Bronzer, baby!) I’m running more panels and trying to become a stylist for an event, and other things to ensure happiness. I do need to get back to work at Cracker Country, however. I haven’t done community service since February.


So the past two years have been all about me trying to free myself from past pain and focus on finding myself and following my desires for happiness. Now, I have regained the power I always desired, but I have to play by the rules (which I set, ironically) to maintain it. I have kind, sweet people there to support me, but I still have drama to deal with. I still wear Lolita and attend anime conventions, but gyaru has taken root as well. Jfashion has actually become even more important in my life before, as I make it more everyday wear than event wear.

My goal for the next year is just to continue to exercise new freedoms and survive in one piece.


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matryoshkaRose~ (the former lillymelody)
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When in doubt, come into the rose garden ( ・ω・)ノ

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Hair growth progress- As of June 2015- I regularly trim my own bangs and they look amazing- choppy and short. The split ends have ruined lives and murdered small children. I haven't had a proper salon cut since July 2013. I might get a trim of 4ish inches by the end of the summer? I'm lazy.



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