lilly in the rose garden

Year in review 2014-2015

Posted on: June 3, 2015

I’m cheating and writing portions early because I’m so worried I’ll forget everything. I’ll forget this place and the struggles I had and the fights that defined me this year. (6/3/15)

Classes were rough. The previous year I had skirted by with minimal effort but maximum results. My marks were just as stellar but I worked my ass off to get them! I still feel insecure about my course selection compared to my peers, as I feel like I skimped out on my potential. Also, fuck science, my mortal enemy finally conquered.

My teachers really recognized me for me and I’m so grateful that I got to know some of them. I feel proud that even if I flew under the radar among my peers, I can still feel pride in my quiet achievements. I feel invisible at end of year celebrations, since I can count the number of kids that have refused to talk to me for seven years now. I’m a fish out of water ready for a change in environment and I’m getting just that! Space from it all….space to start fresh and try this out again. I do believe I’ll fare better than last time I tried to reinvent myself (haa….haa)

Homecoming was a blast, I skipped Prom because why not? Megacon proved to be a wonderful substitute.

I complained last year that I had lost my sense of unity within the fashion world. That worsened. I strayed from existing styles and especially in the spring wore… “frumpy for me” meaning inoffensive sundresses and sweaters and didn’t try to break that mold. Winter was the major stumbling point, when I couldn’t be brought to take care of my physical or mental wellbeing, choosing instead to play Pokémon Omega Ruby for 16 hours a day. I’m not sure I’m so far from that pitfall quite yet. (I hate it but effort into my appearance does often = overall wellbeing and mood for me, no matter how I try to untangle myself from gender expectations and socialization).

The summer was more of the same- a continuation of an unstable winter break, a miserable spring break in which snow cancelled all of my plans, and a rough adjustment to the end of classes and disappointing unemployment. I wanted to leave town- to leave friends that I felt I had outgrown, that had already begun to move away from me. I isolated myself, and then didn’t know how to crawl back out of the hole I had planted myself in.

Metrocon was a mixed experience. It was a bright spot; I loved my Rose costume, I reconnected with Homestuck, and I met with a variety of nice people who made my day fun and sunny. Nothing like your hometown con to keep the nostalgia and cheer alive. Buuuut it also reinforced the existing issues I had with my longstanding friends and drove a wedge in further. In other news, this September I can look forward to attending 2 brand new (to me) conventions. Yikes, I’m gonna be broke!

Then New York, my favorite shopping trip. I went to Tokyo Rebel/BTSSB, a nice crepe place, a boutique where the owner asked if I was a fashion blogger because she thought she recognized me/my style looked very trendy(!), Kinokuniya, The American Girl Store, various museums, and one really good Ramen place. I ate great and bought jewelry, a sweater from Uniqlo, and fashion magazines galore. I was riding on the high of excitement of the city….until I returned home and deeply crashed back into old habits.

 

Basically, the only definitively positive things I can say about 2014-2015 is that I have great comments from teachers to look back on, which bolsters my confidence in my academic abilities and potential, and I have my next big thing lined up which will take me out of this place, away from these people, and into an environment where I can start fresh. I need to keep my anger and depression (possibly? I dunno, but I fit many of its symptoms) in check, and also more closely monitor for the traits I would like in a friend, rather than settling for people who won’t place their trust in me. In the meantime, I got packing to do and bridges to burn.

 

Can’t believe its been four years on this blog. Yikes!

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matryoshkaRose~ (the former lillymelody)
cosplay, street fashion, reviews and more!
When in doubt, come into the rose garden ( ・ω・)ノ

2015 Convention Schedule
AWA!!!

2016
Who the heck knows.
Metrocon
Dragon Con

Ways to contact me

Here!
I got locked out of my lineplay u_______u
livejournal (matryoshkalilly)
Tumblr (matryoshkaRose OR newleafshibuya)

Hair growth progress- As of June 2015- I regularly trim my own bangs and they look amazing- choppy and short. The split ends have ruined lives and murdered small children. I haven't had a proper salon cut since July 2013. I might get a trim of 4ish inches by the end of the summer? I'm lazy.

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