lilly in the rose garden

Author Archive

Posted on: January 1, 2016

Running full speed, delivering last year’s dead plants to this year’s forest….


Posted on: October 28, 2015

What a day! Rather busy but I’ve been in high spirits all day despite the rain and gloom.

Tonight I get to watch a screening of Kamikaze Girls. Yes, 11 years after its release, I’m giddy about filing into an auditorium to watch it in the company of my teachers and hopefully a friend or two. Naturally, I’m using a BTSSB shopping bag to carry my things. Not too conspicuous haha

It feels great mainly because I feel so knowledgeable. I was explaining parts of the movie and its cult status to my FILM prof! Like, wow. And that made me realize that I have achieved a lot over the years. I wore Lolita for five years, watched the movies and shows, read blogs and books on the subject (academic and not), run panels and shared my findings. Even now I continue to plunder the fashion section of the library, getting my paws on books about Gyaru and more. And I know enough to show off to an older adult…. Is this how adulthood feels?

I’ve got a great Halloween planned just as soon as I get my responsibilities out of the way. I have high hopes for the last three days of this month! I feel very safe and cherished at this point in time and its a great opportunity to show off my costuming skills.

In a new city, in a new home.

I have so much and yet so little to tell. I’m a work in progress, in a moment of intense fluctuation. And yet the smell of the breeze on the first day of October…it conjures up sense from four years ago. My desperation for something solid to hold onto, my hope for a better season. As transitory as this month is, I can wish for a renewal of my spirit, of what October means to me and what new ceremony this year will bring.

I want to tap into the creative voice of those past lives of mine without also grasping at the sorrow and loneliness that bore them. I need to always remember how far I’ve come and what potential I can draw from the world and my own life.

Does this all make me a tad homesick? Maybe, but I have to remind myself that nobody is still there. My precious library hasn’t hosted that volunteer group in years and its leader fired. The clubs I was a part of are under new regimes now, in an institution that is changing so rapidly I’d hardly recognize it. My peers have grown and left. And look at me! I’ve changed so much just within the last three months- would anyone recognize me?

I’ll never forget what home is, what it entails, the selected rosy highlights. I’ll try to forget the grim, dark memories. The rage and tears and fervor. I’ll preserve the lovely- fall fest over a decade ago, the choppy pavement of downtown, beach shops and trolley rides…

But here is home too, even after so little time. I’ve chosen to not return, top pledge myself to this new world and enjoy it to the fullest. If this is the “new” me, so be it. I can be proud of this, hopefully.

All I need is a soft bed, my sketchbook, and a few trustworthy friends, and I’ll make it out all right.

Part 7!! Check out my “Books” category for the previous 6 reviews.

Content warnings for this book- warning for mentions of abuse, misgendering, etc

Fantastic! Absolutely fantastic. Despite some obscure Australian slang, this book very clearly communicates a very-overlooked idea; intersex teens deserve autonomy. Plagued by controlling, manipulative parents and bullies at school, sassy and independent Alex takes charge in creating the life she desires.

For all the depictions of harassment, abuse, and barely veiled homophobia, there are positive moments in her story, such as the warm reception she receives at her new school, and a supportive friend determined to see her succeed. Alex As Well was charming, quirky, and ended on a high note. The writing balances Alex’s wit and charisma with her mother’s venom in a way that clearly draws a line between right and wrong.

10/10 Would recommend, especially since the topic of intersex teens is so absent in lgbt aimed YA titles.

Welcome to Part 6!! Scrolls through my “Books” category for my previous 5 reviews.

This book feels like those emo icons from myspace came to life and wrote a manuscript. Gothy goth emo tim burton hot topic fan Brynn hates the Popular Kids and also conveniently has pink hair. Prepster girly girl blonde cheerleader bully Cassidy hates all unpopular kids. But in a matter of pages, and one group assignment later, they suddenly are making out in their bedrooms. Yup.

I was drawn to this book because of a (sub)plot about Cassidy coming from a line of witches and her struggle accepting that reality and harnessing her powers. 75 pages in (out of 158 in my ebook copy) Cassidy’s witch status has barely merited more than a paragraph or two of text.

I hate to describe a teen-oriented work as vapid, but this book truly refuses to step outside ultra generic goth vs. cheerleader stereotypes and bad high school setting clichés. The lack of understanding and judgements of Brynn and Cassidy are not resolved or evolved in a cohesive fashion- it’s 0 to 100 really fast, and suddenly the ~sexy bits~ feel a bit too….out of nowhere for two teens in their first lesbian relationship.

Bottom line: I really wanted to like this, but I will never finish reading this book. It’s not worth waiting for the ending (Witch powers finally arrive? The couple continues to make out save for a hiccup here and there because of familial homophobia? Brynn teaches her emo friend to accept blondes and Cassidy accepts goths?)

The ironic thing here is I’m so slow at typing that I’m pretty sure half these products have been discontinued by now. Anyhow, I’ve got some comparisons to make!


Elf waterproof eyeliner pen- regular felt tip vs. three prong tip


Why…the three prongs scrap against your eyelid, leaving shaky lines and gaps. The regular felt tip is flexible, gives off good color, and is super easy to use for a beginner looking to move from pencil to liquid- a nice in between. It’s not so great for a makeup fan that has mastered gel or liquid, however, since those do offer better pigmented color and lasting power. The black color fades over time, but does not smudge like pencil would. I loved the original pen, but it disappeared from shelves for some months, with its inane replacement instead. Luckily, now the original is long back in stock.

Okay, this may have happened like three years ago but I’m still bitter.

Bare Minerals big and bright eyeliner in Granite vs. Bare Minerals Round the Clock waterproof eyeliner in 11pm.


My first pencil was retractable, with a built in sharpener (that never worked) and smudging tool on the end. Granite was a deep but warm brown tone, and the thing but rounded tip of the pencil would glide on smoothly and easily without needing to apply much pressure. No surprise, though, that it was discontinued.

I went to the store to find a replacement, and bought the next closest shade, 11 pm. Nope. 11pm is a charcoal-y black. This pencil is simply too soft. The tip breaks immediately upon sharpening or use, smudges almost instantly, and cannot be used in subtle eyeliner. It’s all or nothing, giant uneven glob of black or no makeup at all. Hated it!! This was the point at which I ceased to buy Bare Minerals products and discovered my forever favorite Rimmel Kohl liners. (I really only ever liked their mineral veil powder, which I still use).

And finally, ELF again. This is a brand that, at its pricepoint, can be really hit or miss. I love their brushes and powder bronzers and blushes. Sadly, their HD Blush, which is liquid, was disappointing.

The color I picked, Headliner, is super cute in the pump bottle. It matches my skin nicely. it took some getting used to in order to apply it cleanly, but that’s always the trick for gel, cream, or liquid blush. So what’s the problem? The pump ceased to work after two uses. I literally cannot use this product anymore because of the cheap, faulty packaging. Welp.

At under $3 I don’t really care??

Posted on: June 21, 2015

hahahaha lmao im never gonna post about mega at this rate
I don’t feel like writing about Metro, which was equally AMAZING and FUN wow

matryoshkaRose~ (the former lillymelody)
cosplay, street fashion, reviews and more!
When in doubt, come into the rose garden ( ・ω・)ノ

2015 Convention Schedule

Who the heck knows.
Dragon Con

Ways to contact me

I got locked out of my lineplay u_______u
livejournal (matryoshkalilly)
Tumblr (matryoshkaRose OR newleafshibuya)

Hair growth progress- As of June 2015- I regularly trim my own bangs and they look amazing- choppy and short. The split ends have ruined lives and murdered small children. I haven't had a proper salon cut since July 2013. I might get a trim of 4ish inches by the end of the summer? I'm lazy.



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