lilly in the rose garden

Posts Tagged ‘personal post

(Apparently this is my 151st post! Yay milestone?)

Today was my first day of school. I drove myself, and the air, although sweltering, gave a slight hint of the coming months. The trees look so beautiful, as if life is at its peak just this week only. I have basically filler work all week, nothing important. Which means more time to plan last second parties for my friends.

Now, I will look back on the third school year of this blog. I like doing YIR in August because, lets be real, my life revolves around the school schedule. Last YIR post I commented that 2012-2013 felt like a thousand years. This time not so much. It went by too quickly. The school year felt like a calm continuation of the peace I had found the previous April. Classes were easy (During midterms I lamented not doing 110% and getting A+s in my easy A classes. Second semester I did just that and hardly took any exams) I was in band, which was boooring and the underclassmen were difficult to work with, but I made one strong yet short lived friendship so yeah. I didn’t have huge challenges, no mental breakdowns. Just routine. My confidence was high, and we were drunk on the promise of freedom.

{I can’t say I cherished any of last year’s classes. They were mandatory. I did enjoy my English teacher’s friendly style so much that I signed up for his class this year. I’m returning to Latin while keeping up Spanish, and taking my first ever proper art class. It’s all so trivial}

Homecoming lived up to all expectations (It’s the underclassmen that give it charmful spirit!), but Prom was a waste of money. An hour into the event, I was the 3rd person to arrive. I left early to get gelato instead. Next time, I will skip it to go to Epcot.

Last summer was characterized by me trying to grow up a bit. This summer, I had no one defining fashion, attitude, or philosophy. (I don’t wear gyaru anymore, It’s too hot for  Lolita, I mostly go with the flow in a loose, street fashion kind of way. Fewer established styles. I don’t want to be as innocently feminine anymore. Now I want to grow up.) I wandered from idea to idea with little down time. It was very busy, with official tours and summer classes, and Homework. I feel like I rested very little, hardly slept in. But I did become a full-time driver and chill at my friends’ houses a ton so it evens out?

 

As a whole, this past school year was all about fun. I was happy. I wasn’t burdened. I didn’t care about the past anymore, I had a s.o. that didn’t make me cry every week, and I felt needed. I walked in day one arrogantly waltzing about- ‘cuz I was a/the clique leader!

Now, I’m walking in with our numbers diminished, but spirits high. My two best friends in my grade are in my advising and I need to spend as much time with them as possible.

{{this is yucky and I will edit it more. It feels…incomplete, but I have been stalling so so much so there}}

This was supposed to be written and posted on the 10th, out of tradition. OTL

Year 1

Year 2

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(warning, warning! ~personal post~)

Last summer was dreary. It rained like clockwork everyday slightly past noon, and would continue through the night. We didn’t have any tropical storms or bad floods, but it was enough to ruin my mood. Due to certain circumstances, we remained in town all of June and July. I sat on the couch with my laptop and stared at pretty pictures of clothes and the (new to me) world of Lolita fashion. I watched anime and read manga online. I waited for hours on facebook. My friends never contacted me, asked me to go anywhere with them.

I lost weight. I hardly moved. My days revolved around the internet and shopping at the mall. (Which ended badly, usually. I needed a completely new wardrobe for school, but dress code items weren’t in stock until October)

I stared at people on the internet, pictures of them having fun, and thought “Why can’t I be that happy?”

School started. I was still unhappy. I no longer felt welcome in my old clique. I felt I had nobody to turn to. The people I liked the least thought they were being so kind as to grant me their pity. I hated it.

I was tired, stressed, vulnerable.

I deleted my Facebook account. I felt a bit better.

I quit band class and signed up for study hall. I had more free time to spend on myself. I was feeling a bit more happier.

I skipped Homecoming to go to Epcot with my mom. Some kids were jealous.

I joined the book club, the anime club, the knitting club. I met kids of all ages. I talked to older kids and I hung out with younger kids. Suddenly, I was happy.

I still had flare ups, but I knew how to control them. I knew that the sky would always be clear the next day. I found things I loved- my new friends, cosplaying, lolita, and even found classes enjoyable. (I had a really tough teacher. She liked me. I was at the top of the class. On purpose, I signed up to have her again)

I wore bolder clothes to school. I expressed myself more freely.

The last day of school was great. A group of us, some anime club members, some random kids he grabbed from around campus, went out to lunch downtown. I felt so free. We walked for a while and picked a resteraunt. I paid for a friend’s meal. We walked back to the cars to head off to a party. We sang jpop and kpop songs and laughed at my Hetalia soundtrack CD.

I was happy.

I had a fabulous summer this year. I went to new places, met great people. and was able to live in a world beyond the walls of the house. I had a nice break, and now I’m excited to catch up with my gang again. I’ll hug my best friend and take photography class and not have to worry about changing for P.E. My classes are brutal, but I can manage just fine.

I may even go to Homecoming.

I don’t need to escape anymore.


matryoshkaRose~ (the former lillymelody)
cosplay, street fashion, reviews and more!
When in doubt, come into the rose garden ( ・ω・)ノ

2015 Convention Schedule
AWA!!!

2016
Who the heck knows.
Metrocon
Dragon Con

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Hair growth progress- As of June 2015- I regularly trim my own bangs and they look amazing- choppy and short. The split ends have ruined lives and murdered small children. I haven't had a proper salon cut since July 2013. I might get a trim of 4ish inches by the end of the summer? I'm lazy.

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